HEY GUYS.

It's that time again. The time when Jess changes her journal name. THIS ONE WON'T BE TOTALLY ABANDONED. It'll be used for fic and icons.

JESS'S NEW RL JOURNAL IS dazzley.

dazzley
dazzley
dazzley
dazzley
dazzley
dazzley

dazzley
dazzley

dazzley



Add it. ♥

Breaking dawn.


Just.


What the fuck.

"HEY. HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY! YOU'VE GOT GUTS, PLOWIN' INTO MY VILLAGE LIKE THIS! YOU AND THAT BIG UGLY MUG 'A YOURS, YOU KNOW THAT? BUT THAT ENDS HERE! I WON'T STAND FOR ANY MORE OF YOUR SHENANIGANS!!" -- Kamina; English dub.

Comment and I'll upload a song that reminds me of you.


:)


Drawing like a beast today. Okay, guys! I'm willing to draw you silly things for your userinfo/posts/just cause you want to in exchange for paid time. emotenshi ran out again and I'm kind of ADD about his userpics. So. Yeah! If you want to see something I can do, look at shrocomemos's profile pic.

Lol Fishhead.

Also.



Drawn to make the lovely Lils and Sheepi and Sam feel better. ♥

sldkjfhgfdg

I found one thing worse than parents innuendoing at one another.

Grandparents innuendoing at one another.



kfhgjjkdf sd;fkjhkjdfg dfglkjfdhkgjds

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dflgkjdfg'dfkljg

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fdj

Though I do feel less crazy now.

I'm kind of annoyed right now, and I can't really put my finger on why. I think I'm just mad at humanity in general like usual, because there isn't a select person or thing making me annoyed. I feel like stabbing something and strangling it to death and then drowning it in my toilet and flushing the carcass down. Lol? I don't know. Maybe it's because my period is ending, I usually go slightly insane around this time. Ahaha. Haha. Ha.

Life suuucks so we should all get stoned and lay around and listen to music.

I'm rereading the end of Fruits Basket. And a lot of other manga today.

Whaaaatever.

Morning, Flist!

AnimeNext was pretty awesome. I was actually surprised that there were like, three other Trains than myself on the Friday. They weren't as cute as me, and one was Indian. Clearly girls make the best Train Heartnets, if I don't say so myself. Saturday I went as Lloyd Irving from Tales of Symphonina. I.. got molested a couple of times and lots of pictures and group pictures were taken. Oh right, people thought my best friend and I were dating. And we're both girls. Uh. We're not. We laughed at that, a lot. It was nice, getting away for a weekend and going to AnimeNext. I'm looking forward to next year! Ugh, I just hope that next year my other friend stops being so hyper and doesn't keep talking to random strangers who drink beer and smoke.

I want to change my journal name again. It used to be sonotfailchanagain</i>. Oh well.

I've been sick, lately. Headache, throatache, nose... etc. Stupid sickness. And I keep feeling half dead. If you notice that you've been feeling healthy for too long, you usually get sick the next day. In my case, anyway.

bnf_brawl has pretty much been wiped clean of characters that my characters really interact with/care for. Which I have to say, really makes me depressed. A lot of people in my "group" that I interact with dropped, or just decided to keep one character. I understand it's their choice... but it doesn't make me feel any less depressed. Everyone is leaving me... soon it'll just be Ava, Toto, and I. And La. Cause I don't think La would ever leave us. ♥. I don't totally... okay, I understand that it.. hasn't been as fun. But... if we all try, we can make it fun again. Maybe change the premise?? I have some ideas, but I don't think the mods would much care. I still think they should hold a meme and gather ideas from the players, though.

mallowmateys seems to be getting more and more popular. A lot of Reborn! characters lately, but I guess it is a pretty popular fandom. I app'd flamending there, with my waifu, who is going to play Roxas. It's... a pun on how he dies, the username. Lol. He kind of kills himself in the game, so... flame ending. Ahahahahaha. I thought it was funny. 8(

Aaaand yeah.

I feel like such an asshole today. I don't even know, everyone keeps making me feel like crap. Depressioooooonnnn is coming back full throttleeeee. Yaaaay for feeling like crap and wanting to kill yourself. Yaaaaaaay! Say it with me everybody. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

My chemistry regent is tomorrow and I'm scared as shit. I think I'm going to fail but I don't know maybe I won't. ... who knows. Aha. Ugh. Did really crappy on a math test too and this one chick shouted in the hall, "LOLOLOL YOU GOT A 26 ON A MATH TEST!!!!" Oi, bitch. Thanks for shouting it out for the whole hall to hear. I really appreciate it. I'm struggling in math, don't fucking laugh in my face about it.

I didn't even tell anyone. Some chick looked over my shoulder and made an *OMG* face. Apparently the news spread. Still, if you know, you don't fucking shout it out for the whole fucking school to hear.

I don't feel like role-playing at bnf_brawl anymore. Well, not for a while. Considered going on hiatus but maybe this feeling will go away. I'm probably reflecting it in my role-play, all of my characters are generally being assholes today due to my anger and self hate. I think I'll go play over at mallowmateys for a while. Everyone there is good at RPing and generally not asshole-ish and they don't make me feel like crap.

Ever think someone was your friend and then you realize they're not? Well, that they're a crappy friend and that they just make you feel uncomfortable? Ugh. I'm such an emo kid.

I don't know what to do.

Stress, anger, hate, awkwardness, stress and did I mention stress?? Role-play is supposed to help not make it worse. But it is. It always does. Do I learn nothing?

At least playing ramenergy is fun.

Twilight Characters (Who are you??) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Edward You are Edward! I sure hope you're hott! Bella 75% Edward 75% Jasper 65% Angela 55% Leah 50% Lauren 50% Charlie 45% Rosalie 45% Jacob 45% Mike 35% Jessica 30% Victoria 30% Carlisle 30% Esme 30% Alice 25% Billy 20% Emmett 15%

Lol wtf I'm Edward. Didn't see that coming.

Hey flist! It's been a while since I bothered to update, I know you all miss hearing about my life.

School, first.

REGENTS. Those are coming up and I'm spazzing about them. But what more can I do? Even if I do cram, if I don't know it by now then I'm not going to pass. Sure, review is going to help but I can't learn everything about Chemistry in a week and a couple days. Sigh, so pray for me guys. I really don't wanna bomb, that's for sure.

End of the year now, though. So we're pretty much winding down. And ANext is coming! Finally going to order that Lloyd costume today. Would have ordered it earlier but my mother was all, "NooOoOoooo you can probably make it by putting together some old costumes." Aha, that didn't end well at all. So she's finally agreed ordering it would be best. Going to put a rush on it, seeing how ANext is in less than two weeks or so. But I'm really excited about it, it'll be nice to go again and see all those stupid anime fans.

My friend and I already decided that we'll be doing a One Piece cosplay next year. Aha... we're such losers. She's called Sanji, but she's blond and stuff so it fits. I suggested she use a sharpie to get her eyebrow the right way and she spazzed at the idea. It was very lulzy. Don't know who I'd go as, yet. Probably Zoro to play opposite her or something.

Train costume is almost done!! :D This makes me happy. Oh Train ♥

Been rping at bnf_brawl ... I decided to pick up vivalavespa . I dropped fightingkid  and puppetmastering  , but I don't miss them. I played Gon out and there was nothing left I felt I could do with him, so I let him go. And Near was just too hard to post with, though I'll probably NPC him around every once in a while.

So now I only have five characters! It feels kinda good, actually. Not having to make 12 posts... :DDDDDDDDDDD

mallowmateys    has been fun! I've been playing ramenergy    , flamatic    , piratemaid    , and resplendentic    down there. It's refreshing, playing with those people. I've been having a lot of fun playing against danbi    and her Sasuke, and caema    and her Hinata. Mikuru has been cute to play, and she's a fun female character for me. Though I wish sleeplessdragon    will post with Kyon already.

I'm probably going to drop Ayame though, seeing as I can't quite grasp the muse. I have a problem playing flamboyant characters -- hence my dropping callmemilord    @ bnf_brawl    way back when. Way too difficult for me, beyond my area of playing.

My dog is too needy. He's terrible to sleep with.

Me: *opens eyes*
Dog: *RIGHT UP IN MY FACE* *LICK*
Me: Ugh... Sparky... *pushes him away*
Dog: *SLAMS AGAINST, WHINES*
Me: No! Bad boy! Pfft. *rolls over*
Dog: *PAWS AT* *licklicklick* (yes he was licking the back of my head)
Me: *skjdsdf* No! Bad boy! D:
Dog: WOOF WOOF. *slams against*
Me: Ouh! Stop that, fattie! *shove*
Dog: *flops against*
Me: Ugh.

That's how I wake up every morning. Yay.

Also, on a random note. There's this girl who I know who is... weird. She says Hi to me every time I look at her. Literally.

Me: *walks up*
Amanda: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Jess.... *waves*
Me: .... Hi, Amanda. How're you.... and stuff...
Amanda: Good... I read this book that I lost so I bought it again but I lost that one so I bought it again then I found the ones I lost--
Me: Hold on. *turns, waves at someone else* *turns back* Okay--
Amanda: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Jess.... *waves*
Me: ........... Hi, Amanda. Uh. You bought the books again?
Amanda: Ehehehehe! Yeah, so now I have three of the same book! Isn't that cool?
Me: ... Sure. Way cool. *turns to pull something out of locker, turns back*
Amanda: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Jess.... *waves*
Me: ... Yeah.
Amanda: Well, I have to go to class. Bye, Jess..... *waves* *leaves*
Me: *FACEPALM*

AHAHAHA. Oh god she makes me want to kill myself askjhkdsjf. On another note, airabuyu    is going to let me mod at her new RP. :] Keep your eyes open for it!

Hi, flist! It's been a while since I updated. Uhm. I passed my last two Russian tests--which is pretty damn awesome. And Chemistry is going better! I'm beasting in that class now, consider I'm actually trying.

I have to go to a sweet 16 in a bit, and I hate preparing for those kinds of things. I have to wear a DRESS. I hate dresses. And I have to paint my nails. I hate doing that, too. I'm pretty much a disappointment to my mother, ahahaha! God I'm such a man.

Cosplay is going well! Just doing Train and Lloyd--it'll be fun! I'm going to mooch off of other people's sewing machines. :D

I feel like writing fic. Someone, give me a fic to write.

Wow. Lots to say today. Feel free to skip.


School has... been better, I guess. I'm going to really really try now. Like, it's the end of the year. Might as well finish off on a good foot, right? Regents are too close for comfort. Chemistry is Chemistry. Global is Global. Thematic essays are thematic essays. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth going through all this effort. I mean, I'm not a top scholar. I'm smart, but not when it comes to number and fact. I'm better at reading, analyzing, understanding, and writing.

I'm not so worried about Global. These facts have been pounded into my mind for years now. When did we go to the moon. Why did the Irish leave Ireland. How did industrialization spread. Okay, that's fine. Read the text book, learn some stuff. Excellent. Chemistry, on the other hand, I'm worried about. I know my basics, I know my stuff when I understand it. But the whole moles thing and converting--anything that happens to do with numbers. I hate numbers with such a passion it's unbelievable.

So I'm going to do better this marking period, I'll do the best I can. Theres a difference between being THE best and being YOUR best. I'm just trying to do my best, which is all that I really can do at this point. When you try to be the best, you just epically fail at life in the end. I know, I've tried. So I'm settling with this, to see if it works. A little late in the game, actually, but if I try I know I can do something. If I don't try, then I'm just a loser, right? I just wish I wasn't so damn lazy.

Moving onto the next thing--my cosplays. I think I'm actually going to be able to make a pretty cool Train costume. It's an outfit people recognize and when people like the fandom they like the fandom. So hopefully I'll get swarmed by fangirls? Nah, I just like some attention. If I'm going to be slaving over a costume I wanna be appreciated. I'm so petty and failtastic like that. Ahaha!

I'm about 93% sure I'm just going to order the Lloyd cosplay off of some cosplay site. That costume is hard, really. Plus, with regents coming I don't have the time to make a Lloyd cosplay, even if I wanted to. Which I don't. Because I'm lazy. And I don't own a sewing machine. Which would make my life so much easier but what can I say I'm a masochist. So~ I have very little time on my hands. Ahahahaaaaaa.

I'm becoming more cynical. I don't know why, but I am. I also feel like I'm getting more serious, which is something that happens but I didn't think it'd happen so soon. I wanna be the carefree moron who everyone laughs at. Not the cynical sarcastic depressed emo kid. Which apparently I've become, according to numerous teachers. But I think it's just because I have a lot on my plate. In all honesty, I've never been that energetic. I freeze up around people, I'm actually pretty quiet. I'm mostly polite and I rarely say what's on my mind, unless I'm saying it to a close friend.

I try to put others before myself, even if I don't like them. That's one of my goals, really. I try to help people, and I try to do my best. But... I'm tired. I feel like an old woman, but it's so true. I'm so tired. My mother is FORCING me to get a job, and I don't even want to think about that at this time in my life. She doesn't even talk to me about it. I can't stand it. She just rules over me without question and I feel like I'm suffocating.

We can never have a conversation without some kind of issue that she ALWAYS brings up coming up. Get a job. Go to the gym. You don't study enough. We'll be watching a movie, "See that girl? SHE has a job. She can't be older than you." "Mom, that's a movie." And she wonders why I don't want to be in her company. Honestly.

Looking forward to ANext so so so much. It's going to be great. Who else is going??

Onward! Next issue, roleplay. My first actual Roleplay evaaar was bnf_brawl. It used to be amazing because people actually tried back then. I guess it was beginning to die down when I joined... but... I still liked it. Sure, I was a n00b, but I could recognize greatness when I saw it. And I worked to be great, too. I made my characters personalized and what I thought was interesting. I made SURE I kept IC. I was inspired to do well because of what I saw.

But now-a-days things have gone into a slump. And I see people complain about how the n00bs are bringing us down and how people suck and whatnot. I'm sad that this has happen, I admit. I'm not going to say, "be kind to the n00bs you were one too!" because some of them really are bad and don't seem to improve. I don't know how this happened... but I know one thing. This is not all because of the newer players who don't know how to spell, "Hello".

I don't see so many great people posting. I admit, even I haven't been posting. Simply because I don't have a clue as to WHAT to post. I have nothing to work off of, and I'm sure others feel the same. But someone has to take the initiative. We're being lazy and lame, us so called "good" players. If we wanna up brawl and make it amazing like it was so long ago, we gotta get our asses in gear and DO it. If we have the strength to comment about how lame it is NOW, let's get the strength and motivation to bring it up!

I've considered leaving so many times, but the people there that I've come to know and love keep me there. And Setsuna's pretty userpics. People are really sensitive, now-a-days, too. When someone ICly bashes one of my characters in a post, I LAUGH. It's FUNNY. Come on, Haru really IS a stoned druggie moron. And Setsuna really IS an emo bitch/slut/whore. I don't care if you point that out, it'll make my character flustered but I'll enjoy the attention!

A lot of the newer players get annoyed and think it's a personal attack, which is another reason people don't post funny things anymore. Because they take it to heart. Sure, I get jealous about my OTPs but I don't get MAD. Why would I hate someone for IC antics?? Honestly. >D You people really need a chiiiiill pill.

About my OC RP; looking for mods. >___> So tell me if you'd like to be one. 'Cuz I can't do it by myself.

Uh. That's it. SORRY FOR THE SPAM. ♥

Heeeey flist!

Cosplay season, that it is. *S-Sob* I'll be really busy with the sewing and the gluing and the shaping and the... yeah, well, you all get the point. So my cosplays are as follows.

TRAIN HEARTNET [BlackCat]
- White Tee-Shirt. Secured, just need to tailor it because Train seems to like random cuts in it.
- Blue jacket. Cloth is secured, just need to sew.
- Pants. Cloth is secured, just need to sew.
- Wig. Need to get one'a those. Won't be hard, his hair is pretty generic.
- Boots. Secured.
- Necklace with bell. Secured.
- Strap for the leg. Secured.
- Retarded castmates. Secured.

\o\ IT'LL BE LOTS OF WORK CUZ I'M DOING IT BY HAND. BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A LIFE.

I'm probably going to buy Lloyd's costume. Because it's kind of... hard....

I told my mother that it was going to be complicated, so she started looking on the internetz to see if we could buy one. I'd need to dip into my own savings for it, but I don't really care. It's not like I ever see that money anyway.

I'm considering doing Wolfram on Sunday [or else I'm just going to be Train again] because a lot of other people are doing SSBB cosplay... and I don't want to. >_>

Also. ;_____; Setsuna's icons DIED. And I don't have the means to uhm, buy a paid account + icon extensions [/no credit card]. :O!! So Flist, if anyone wants a drawing, I'd be more than happy to draw anything for you in my special ~*STYLE*~ if you renew it. As payment, really. Some examples of my art; here and here.

S'ank you~!

Gosh I feel like a dead person. I don't wanna move, I don't wanna do anything. I feel really sick and whatnot, and I hate it. KJfjkhgdfg I wanna stab myself. ;_;

ANYWAY. I'm working on my Train cosplay and it is pretty. I have secured a Rinslet.

'Cuz I wanted to do it.

1. Sometimes I wonder if you even know what you want. I wish you would just decide already.
2. You don't give yourself enough credit, and I really wish that you would. You're beautiful and wonderful and amazing, and you should realize that. Don't listen to what other people say.
3. You confuse me so much, it's painful. I love you, but you give me some terrible headaches.
4. You're like a big sister to me, I wish I could see you more. I can relate to you easily, out of everyone that I know.
5. You're pretty awesome, but lately you've had a serious stick shoved up your ass.
6. You brighten up my day, but now that brightness has gone away.
7. Thanks for putting up with me. ♥
8. I used to resent you a lot, but now you're like family.
9. I'm not as nice as you seem to think, I'm glad you're my friend.
10. What am I going to do with you.

HAY GUIZ.

Crappy fanart beneath the cut.
( 8DDDDDDDDDDDDDD )

I ENJOY IT WHEN THEY ARE ALL GAY TOGETHER. It makes me happy in my pants.

HEY.

I drew this.

Cuz I wanted to draw Setsuna and Katou being cute.

8(

So.

Today someone gave me a flat as I was going up the stairs at school. I went face forward into a door.

My collarbone screams in pain.

Ouch.

;_;